Retrogrades
Earth Sanctuary Recapitulation
Epilogue: Retrograde
Sow
Spring, 2021, I moved back to Mother Earth Sanctuary to try and make the home livable. Social services determined I needed to move.
Summer, 2021, I moved to the nearest place I could find. Almost an hour away.
Mid-Summer of 2021, I took Baby’s 3 year old sister into foster care.
Harvest season of 2021, the director passed away during the first snowfall.
Approaching Winter Solstice, 2021, social services removed both children from my care.
I was unable to care for them both alone, with unstable housing, and sporadic work. Baby just turned 1. Sister just turned 3.
All of our hearts were broken.
Solstice, 2021, we attempt home visits with myself and the kids. Sister couldn’t handle the separation.
Against the judgement and requests of the new foster parents, social services determined they would not allow me to visit the kids anymore.
I can only see them in my dreams now.
It’s been 2 years.
My heart is still shattered.
Retrospect
What has been expanded thus far?
Sapling: Through my conversations with Anishinaabekwe, I begin making connections between intergenerational trauma, addiction, and child ab*se.
So, I set my intentions to ensure the needs of the inner child are front and center in my interactions with others.
While my primary instinct at this time was to withdraw and create my own Garden of Solitude, it didn’t take long for people to find me.
It took even less time for them to tell me their stories. And, yet, I’m still sitting with most of these stories 4+ years later.
I need more material resources to better serve the people who show up at my door.
I engage stakeholders in my region and quickly learned something about myself:
I needed to fine tune my socio-political navigation.
This is the paradox: to gain access to the capital I need from (settler) stakeholders while recognizing it is often these same stakeholders who have caused the harm I’m witnessing in my community_region.
Sprout: I come to realize a pattern in the people who show up at my door to co-create Sanctuary, the way they share their memories or life experiences.
It is often during the most mundane, menial, unassuming tasks where people put words to heavy experiences.
It took some time for me to recognize these patterns of mental health issues I witnessed both within myself as a survivor and in others who wanted to build Sanctuary.
I quickly learned something about myself:
I needed to fine tune my recognition of trauma responses and coping mechanisms.
I found myself constantly surprised at just now nonchalant most people were about the trauma’s they experienced. Especially in their childhood.
It didn’t seem to matter which kinds of mundane tasks we were doing, people shared all kinds of gut-wrenching stories while doing the most menial things.
I did notice, however, that the exchange of heartbreaking stories usually happened after sharing a meal with this person.
The more often we cooked together, the more often they shared their experiences.
Soil: I learn what it means to take myself seriously enough to move forward. To keep moving forward.
I needed to fine tune trust in my Self, and encourage others to cultivate trust in their own Selves, too.
If you are reading this and you feel (or want to feel) that
… you did not come to Earth to toil in endless drudgery,
…… the Earth itself is supporting you to create abundant health and wellbeing,
……… you have within your own Self the blueprint you need to live your best life here, now, in this body, in this lifetime,
If you are reading this and feel activated in your Heart, then I am speaking to you directly:
You are here on this planet to be YOU to the fullest extent possible.
In this way, you help heal humanity so that the PLANET may thrive.
Mycelium: Everything we want to receive will manifest in the Now Moment.
It is by bringing our awareness into our Hearts where we become present with the Now Moment.
In order to build the kind of world we want to live in, we need to get the energy from the old 3D manifestation, and transmute this energy to create something new.
Our Heart Center is also the seat of our creative power. So we come to appreciate and integrate all of the elements of our Selves.
Physical Body
Mental and Emotional states
Heart center as the chamber for our expanded potential to manifest into the quantum field.
How do we integrate our full Selves into the Now Moment?
The answer is as simple as it is complex: through Love and Acceptance.
As we Love and Accept all of our Selves in all of our states, we integrate the power that is held in all of those states: this is the energy that we need to build the kind of world in which we want to live.
As we integrate the power of our own expanded potential, we come to embody a truth that is widely discussed in trauma recovery, mental health, and sobriety/recovery research:
If the trauma can be imprinted on the nervous system, so can the healing.
If the nervous system can be wired to cope with pain, it can be rewired for Joy.
If suffering can be wired into the neurobiology of a person, so can Love.